If I had a nickel for every behavior chart I started and every sticker I stuck to said chart, I’d be RICH! I’ve had them all, from a “Being Nice” chart, to a “Sleeping in Your Big Girl Bed” chart, a “Having Good Manners” chart, and “Putting Your Toys Away” chart. Jeez, I’m running out of construction paper!
Then one day something clicked while I was throwing away another useless make-shift chart I had made to get my 3 year old to do something “good.” Why was I rewarding her for doing something she’s just supposed to do? Am I not teaching her what acceptable verses out of control behavior is?
I think it really started with potty training. I would give a snack size pack of M&M’s every time a drop fell anywhere but her diaper. (Note: I later learned the pack was probably excessive and 1 single melt in your mouth morsel would have been suffice. Oops!) It did work! I mean she was potty trained pretty quickly once I was consistent and brought the training potty EVERYWHERE. Okay cool! Fast forward 5-6 months, the M&M’s are long gone and I still get the occasional “I just went, where’s my chocolate!?” Umm, girlfriend those days are over! But since you’re not sleeping in your bed, let’s go invest in Mars, Inc. and get some of those colorful treats in the house again. Okay, sleep in your bed ALL night long and you will get a treat in the morning. But I found myself putting my drill sergeant hat down and my guilt gown on. I would still give her the treat even if she slept only MOST of the night. #fail. I don’t want to be the mean parent but I also don’t want a kid that walks all over me.
One thing I am beginning to notice is if I ignore the dramatic and sometimes very clever resistance and follow through (there’s got to be some psychologist reading this laughing!) I get a better end result. For example…bed time. Jammies, teeth brushed, books, and bed. Okay scratch that, it’s more like jammies, jumping around, teeth brushed, running back and forth between my bedroom and hers, kicking, crying, getting chapstick for her all of a sudden chapped lips, a little more kicking, and then bed. As long as I DON’T say, “Sure, fall asleep in my bed and then I’ll move you,” its success in my eyes! It’s so easy to do the latter though. Especially when I first came home with my second child. I was so tired she could have stayed up all night having a party as long as I got some sleep and she didn’t disturb me! I kind of try and forget all of the knowingly bad habits I started just for an extra bit of sleep!
Who says this parenting thing is easy?! I believe it was my grandmother who first jokingly said, “Get a good job with good insurance so you can get a good therapist,” ouch grandma, but I feel you!
I posted my blog post on time, where is my M&M? And by M&M I mean wine!
What reward system do you use?
