Am I The One To Blame?
I’m lucky enough to have two happy and healthy children. I’m also lucky enough to be the one who puts them on and takes them off the school bus. However, lately I’ve been watching some of their not so lovable qualities and I can’t help but wonder…are these not so lovable qualities a result of my failure as a mom?
We hear the saying nature vs. nurture. Bad behavior is a product of the environment and the influences of those around them. I’m around them the most, so in reality who else is to blame?
Is their general disregard for listening to me when I tell them to clean up their toys because I spoiled them for so long and cleaned up their messes for them? Are they permanently glued to a screen because I was never strict enough to enforce the restrictions? I have admitted in the past that I’m a lazy mom, but I’m afraid that those lazy tendencies have done irrevocable (or at least long term) harm.
My son suffers from anxiety. I started having major anxiety during my pregnancy with him. Did he somehow feel that in utero and took my anxiety onto himself? Is the reason why he’s so anxious because I was so anxious during my pregnancy? During those crucial months of development did he feel my anxiety intensify and adapted to it? Out of everything, that is the one that keeps me up at night the most.
Or Am I Doing The Best I Can?
All these thoughts have been triggering some anxiety in me. Going through all the decisions I’ve made with a fine tooth comb, wondering if I could have been better. Then I realized something, if I’m to blame for all the their not so lovable qualities, then logic says I’m also responsible for the good qualities as well.
While my children are addicted to their iPads, don’t want to clean up their messes, and have mastered the art of talking back, they are ultimately good kids. My son is a sensitive, loving boy who hates to see anyone sad. He’s more in tune to peoples feelings and emotions than any adult I know. My daughter has one of the most caring hearts I’ve ever come across. She just wants everyone to be happy and treated kindly.
So maybe I have screwed them up a bit. But maybe in the grand scheme of life, they will be ok. Maybe we put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. Maybe, even if I’m screwing up this parenting thing, my kids are perfectly imperfect.