As a pregnant person, everyone wants to give you advice. When I was carrying my twins I found that to be the case times two! By my second trimester my head was swimming in information; bottle or breast, co-sleep or not, continue on with my career or stay at home? Once our twins arrived the advice and judgment continued, but the way my husband and I processed it had evolved. We applied what I like to call the “Take it or leave it,” method of parenting and quickly learned to only “take” the advice that worked for us and leave the rest behind.
You see, our entire dynamic may seem unconventional to some but it works for our family. I’m a full-time Advertising Manager while my husband is a part time Preschool Teacher and aid for special needs students. Most days he is home putting the twins down for their afternoon nap while I am on conference calls or answering emails at my desk. There are days that I long to have more time with them, but this is what works for our family right now. So when someone says, “Kids need to be raised by their mothers,” or “Don’t you wish you could just stay home?” I’ve learned to leave their advice and focus on what works for us.
As mothers our parenting styles come in all different shapes and sizes and we need to be supportive of each others differences. I’ve learned this year that mom guilt is a real thing; whether self-imposed, comments from a lady at the grocery store, or maybe a judgmental member of your mommy group. It’s how you deal with the guilt and move past it that defines you as a mother. Only you as a parent can process all of the advice and implement what feels right in your heart.
My husband and I make a conscious effort to include supportive people in our corner. I was lucky enough to find a lactation consultant whose mantra was, “If it’s making you miserable, stop breastfeeding. Your babies need a happy and engaged mama.” We are also blessed to have an amazing support system of Grandparents and sitters who honor our choices as parents when we’re not home.
Having grown up in Westchester County NY and lived in NYC for a number of years, I moved to the Fairfield area in my late 20s and never looked back. I love everything this area has to offer from the beaches to the restaurants. I married my husband in 2013 and we bought our home in the town of Fairfield. Our beautiful Boy/Girl twins Emmy and Miles were born in July 2015 forever changing our lives. Although the twins will be 2 this summer I still feel like a brand new mom every day. Life with twin toddlers is a blur and it’s hard to keep your head above water. Days as a working parent move at light speed and I find myself longing to slow down and connect with other moms in the same boat. As a contributor to FCMB I look forward to sharing my experiences with all of you. I promise not to try and give you too much advice and if I do there’s nothing wrong with leaving it.