What’s the Problem?

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problemOne day last year, I picked my three-year-old up from school with an 11 month old in tow. I did what I did everyday. I asked how school was and what her most favorite part of her day was. She was so excited to tell me that she had her picture taken that day!

I froze. Had I forgotten picture day? Had I forgotten the day that the professionals would capture my daughter’s official picture for her first year of preschool? I did. They would take her photo, and a photo of the entire class – one that all the parents would see.

As I slowly walked towards the car, the thoughts took over. What is she wearing? Does she have a sweet bow in her perfectly manicured hair? Does she have cute shoes on that coordinate with her outfit? As I put her in the car I analyzed her, without letting her know that I was judging her clothing. Ugh. She was wearing boots that were torn in the front. Her hair was a hot mess. And her outfit – she was wearing a play outfit that I would have never chosen for her first official school picture. I was mortified.

Looking back this all sounds incredibly vain, but in that moment it seemed like a really big deal to me.

I was so sad. I failed her. I failed my middle child, who I am trying to not let get lost in the mix! I want all her firsts to be as special as her older sister, and clearly her first school picture was ruined.

I called my husband immediately. My shaky voice and quiet tone (I didn’t want the girls to hear why I was upset) led him to believe something was terribly wrong. After explaining the whole story he replied, “You are joking right? Why are you so upset? I’m sure she was so happy and smiling beautifully. That is all that matters!”

I was still angry with myself, but he was right. When we are in the thick of a difficult situation, we tend to focus on the negative. It’s hard to change our perspective and see things from the outside.

When my oldest daughter was in her second year of preschool, her teacher said something so profound to me. Something I already knew, but never really thought to apply to myself. My daughter, a perfectionist, was having trouble letting things go. If her project wasn’t just the way she envisioned, or the game she was playing wasn’t going just so, or a friend wasn’t acting how she wanted them to, she was quick to tears. At her conference, the teacher shared a strategy that has greatly helped my daughter.

During a conflict, I simply ask her if something is a big problem or a little problem. In the moment, this helped her to gain perspective and see that whatever was happening might not have been a big deal, and if it was, then she could work through it.

As moms, we try to make things perfect. But what is really the most perfect thing is capturing the perfectly imperfect moments! Forgetting picture day was just a little problem. It was an oversight on my part! I’m busy and I have a lot of dates to remember. It wasn’t the end of the world. When the pictures came back, they were absolutely perfect! They showed the happy, loving, kind-hearted and beautiful little girl that she is! It turned out to be not only a little problem, but really no problem at all. And a good story that I often laugh at! Mom forgot picture day!


ElisabethElisabeth is a stay-at-home mom who lives in Fairfield with her husband Andrew and three daughters ages 7, 4 1/2, and 22 months. She grew up in Litchfield County and moved to Fairfield from Stamford 3 1/2 years ago. Elisabeth was previously an elementary school teacher, but now feels very blessed to be home with her children (although it’s not an easy job!). She loves to bake and cook, go to the beach with her family, and share a glass of wine with friends!

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