When I brought my daughter into the world, I was both joyful and terrified. You see, I’m a teacher. Having been around adolescent girls for most of my career, I know how vicious and hurtful the world of the teenage girl is. Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there. Just about every woman in my life has had difficulty with friends at some point in her life. While I certainly cannot shield my daughter from some of the hurtful things she might encounter, I do want her to know what it means to be a good friend and the importance of having good friendships throughout her lifetime. Here are some things I hope she will take away from the friendships I have.
All Friends Have a Season: Some friends are in and out of your life quickly, while others remain lifelong friends. If someone goes out of your life, there is a reason. People often wonder if they have done something to drive that person away, but very often it’s simply part of the ebb and flow of life’s many seasons. It’s important to recognize the fun you had with this person and to cherish the memories you made with one another. Spending time focusing on relationships we no longer have inhibit us from reaching out and making new ones.
Values are Important: Okay, I don’t mean this to sound judgmental, but friends who share the same values often have much better lasting power than those who don’t. By values, I don’t mean to which political party you belong (for the record, my best friend and I share completely opposing political viewpoints), but the kinds of things that you value in life. Are you a health nut? You might find it easier to spend time with people who enjoy staying active and sharing recipes for organic foods. Are you a Reality TV junkie? Time spent with those who share your passion will allow you to deepen your connection with one another. This is not to say that a group of friends who are exactly like you is the way to go, but an important part of any solid relationship is finding the common threads that bond you to another.
Nurture, Nurture, Nurture: People today are so “busy” all the time, that relationships are hard to maintain. Let me be frank: The 473 friends you have on Facebook do not count as real friends. In order to have a strong friendship, you have to make time to see that person. Yes, actually see them face to face. With the development of amazing technology, a Skype or FaceTime call pretty much counts as face to face interaction, which is pretty awesome. If you have the ability to physically meet with someone, that’s a great way to let them know that you are willing to share your most precious commodity, time. It may not be once a day, once a week, or even once a month, but there has to be a time when you both sit down face to face and catch up about life. 
It’s a Two Way Street: I am a planner. All of my friends rely on my “Type-A” personality to get everyone together and to organize something for us to do. Most of the time, I enjoy doing this, but sometimes I feel the burden of being the only interested party in the friendship. There are always those friends who will text or call and plan a get-together when I get too busy, while others will drop off the face of the earth. Perhaps it’s not that they don’t care, but they don’t have enough time to maintain the friendship, so they simply do not engage. If you have a friend who is always reaching out to get together, try to surprise her with an invitation to plan something. If you are always the organizer, step away from the planner and let someone else initiate.
Appreciate Unique Qualities: While it is very important to have shared values, it’s also important to celebrate our differences. I enjoy baking and love to share my desserts with others. Many of my friends don’t share my affinity for baked goods, but are skilled at everything from home decorating to photography. t’s equally wonderful to share your gifts with others as it is to receive them. You may even learn a new skill or hobby!
Communicate: Every relationship has ups and downs, so it’s important to address any issues as they arise. A simple check-in with a friend might reveal some hurt feelings or other concerns. If that’s the case, you can always discuss, sort out, and repair anything that is causing issue. On the other hand, if someone isn’t interested in sharing their anger or hurt with you, it’s time to move on. Feelings of resentment never fare well in close relationships if they aren’t addressed. Sometimes it’s best to sit that one out. The old adage has always been my guide to keeping my friendships, “In order to have a good friend, you need to be a good friend.” I’m certainly not perfect, so I always try to remind myself of this when I feel like a friendship is failing. With my long distance friends, it becomes increasingly more difficult to keep those relationships alive, but if they are important to you, they are worth your precious time!
What are some ways you make time for good friends in your life?
