In all honesty, I’ve been secretly waiting for the day you would tell me, “I’m pregnant!” I have wanted to share this whole motherhood journey with you, well, probably since I became a mother myself. So when that day came, I tried not to scare you with my excitement. I let you know through the phone that I was excited and happy for you, but not so much that your eardrums burst. You couldn’t tell over the phone, but I was smiling from ear to ear.
Because you see, when I see you with my kids it is just beautiful to watch. I see how their eyes light up with the mention of your name. I see how they run into your arms the moment you (barely) walk through the door. I see how much they love you. They see what I see—a beautiful person who is so giving and so full of warmth and love. It melts my heart to see them with you. No one is like their “Auntie.”
I’m so eager for you to experience motherhood. I can’t wait to see your growth. I can’t wait to see you change. To get to witness that lightbulb going off in your head. That, “Wow, I get it now.” I know I’ve tried to explain to you what it’s like to become a mom. I do my best to put it into words, but hearing about it and experiencing it are two very different things. And sometimes there are just no words that truly capture motherhood and how we feel.
I know you are going to be an amazing mommy. There is no doubt in my mind. But on the verge of motherhood, I know you worry about this in the back of your mind. There’s that pressure you put on yourself to not screw it up. It’s something that I worried about too.
I know through me you’ve seen some of the ups and downs. You have seen how it can get a little messy (or a whole lotta messy). But remember even in those moments when you feel frustrated, when you feel defeated, when you feel like you have nothing left to give, that you are still a good mom. I will tell you. You may not believe it, but I will still let you know.
Know that its okay to not be okay. It’s okay to be overwhelmed. It’s okay to not have all the answers. And it’s okay to cry. Tears of joy. Tears of love. Tears of exhaustion. Tears of frustration. Tears for the sake of tears. Lots and lots of tears.
Know that it’s okay to need a break—a moment to yourself where you don’t have arms reaching for you. It’s okay to wish for five minutes of silence and adult conversation that doesn’t revolve around poop. It’s okay to hide in the bathroom. It’s okay to take care of you. Because in all honesty, you can’t take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself.
Know that it’s okay to ask for help. I know it’s hard for you, because you see it as a sign of weakness and because you don’t want to bother others. But we all need a break. We all need a hand. We can’t do everything, all of the time, all on our own.
Know that becoming a mom will have you doubt yourself even more. And when you hear everyone’s opinion on every little thing, you’ll probably be left feeling more confused and even a little frustrated. But trust your gut. Do what feels right. You’ll learn as you go. If everything were easy, there would be no opportunity for growth.
Know that it’s okay to wonder: “Where did I go?” “How did I get here?” and “Who the heck am I now?” It’ll take some time to figure it out. But this is a process. Things will be different and so will you. Oh, so will you.
I am so excited for the first time you will hold that precious baby in your arms. You will be amazed by that little creature and after that first day together wonder how the heck there are so many people in the world.
I’m excited for you to love a love you have never felt before. A love you never knew existed. That little baby will teach you so much about yourself and about life.
This journey is bumpy. It’s messy, it’s exciting, it’s crazy and it’s beautiful. It’s unlike anything else. I can’t wait to share it with you.
I’m here for you always.
Your Big Sis