Traditional Upbringing Meets Modern Parenting

A recent discussion with my husband gave me an idea. How on Earth could I be married to a man who I love so deeply yet with whom I have such a different parenting style? I mean, we have always been a yin and yang pairing. He’s the logical one. I tend to do things based on emotions. He is an introvert, but I prefer to be around people as much as possible. Despite our differences though, we have always been a strong pair. 90% of the time, our differences make us stronger. But when it comes to parenting, they can be very divisive.  

In a follow up discussion the next day, my husband told me that he realized something about himself that he wasn’t sure he liked. He said that there is a part of him that wishes I was a stay at home mom and played more of the traditional “housewife” role.  He didn’t like that thought because he realized that it was causing a lot of our differences.  

I have always worked and I love what I do. I know that my husband loves what he does for work too. So why should either of us have to give that up to raise a family? We are in this together! It turns out that his traditional upbringing was shining through. Despite my enormous internal eye roll, I asked him to keep talking. Turns out that he may have a point here. This generation of men who are now parents to young children are pretty much the first generation to be expected to do any amount of active parenting.  

Becoming a father isn’t something that most little boys dream of. We don’t see them caring for baby dolls, giving them baths and pushing them in strollers. Those things are for girls! The positive role models for fathers are so few and far between, it doesn’t seem like a goal to many little boys. When they grown up and enter the workforce, becoming a father is certainly not a goal nor is it encouraged. Take a look at paternity leave policies and how they have changed in the world. In the countries where paternity leave is offered, it’s not a taboo topic to talk about or a bad thing to take it. In the US, where there is no official paternity leave, it can be seen as a detriment to your job if you take time off.

With no set role models as a child, and a deterrent like no paternity leave at your job as an adult, it’s a little easier to see how the men of our generation are stuck in between the old and the new. Nearly 70% of moms are now working outside the home, yet we are often expected to take on traditional roles in the home too. Even if both spouses go into raising a family with the best intentions of sharing duties equally, it often doesn’t end up that way.

When parenting styles clash, it’s due to all of these reasons coming to a head and exploding. I was raised one way and he was raised another way. “If I am going to be the one who is doing 90% of the parenting and housework, then let me do it!” “But I’m the father and I have a say too!” Sound familiar? Many of us are still trying to figure out this whole parenting thing and how to balance it with work, your spouse and the eternal question, “What’s for dinner?”

You are not alone in the conflict! It’s the way that we resolve these parenting clashes that makes us different from previous generations. Be flexible in your role as a mom and wife as we move through these difficult years of parenting. And for goodness sake, teach your boys to do the laundry, cook and clean so that when they are husbands and fathers it will be the norm.

Do you clash with your partner when it comes to parenting? How do you handle it? Comment below!