It’s Time To Have “The Talk”

“The talk.” You either had it with your parents, or you didn’t. If you did, I’m sure you can still remember how embarrassing and uncomfortable it was. For me, I remember being so embarrassed. I couldn’t wait for it to be over so I could hide under my covers and never come out. Not to mention NEVER think of my parents doing what needed to be done to make me.

Being a mother of a 10-year-old girl, I can safely say that I am more embarrassed to be on the administering side of “the talk” than I ever could have been on the receiving end. The days of saying, “Babies come out of your belly,” simply do not fly with my inquisitive daughter. She is entering fifth grade in the fall, and I know the school will conduct its own “talk.” I want to beat them to it.

This means it’s time for my daughter and me to sit down and have the talk about what it takes to make a baby.

Her entire fourth grade year, I was in denial that “the talk” was coming. She was asking more complex questions and my simplistic answers were not enough for her. By April, I bought her The American Girl Doll books hoping that would answer some of her questions about her body and the changes that are occurring. The books, while extremely helpful, didn’t describe what it takes to make a baby. They leave that (rightfully so) to the parents.

Where Do I Begin?

“The talk” isn’t one of those discussions that you can start in the middle of the car ride to school or on the way home from soccer practice. I also don’t want it to be a planned event that will create even more tension for both of us. I want it to happen organically. Except how does “the talk” happen organically?

I have so many thoughts running through my head about what to say and how to say it. How much information is too much? Should I start with the basics for now? How is she going to react to all the information that I’m about to spill to her? This is the same girl who covers her eyes and yells “gross” whenever there is the slightest kiss during one of our family movie nights. The thought of explaining the basics to her is making me cringe.

What I Want Her To Take Away

For me, the mechanics, if you will, of the talk are less important than the message I want to convey to her. I’m sure she will learn more about the specifics from friends at school than I would ever be comfortable explaining to her. What I do want is for her to know the following:

• Be safe.
• No matter what she’s done, I’m on her side. 
• She can come to me regardless of the problem, and I will help her in any way I can.
• I will bring her to her first OBGYN appointment with no questions asked.
• She decides what, when, and who. 
• And most importantly…she can say no at any time. No other circumstances matter. If she says no and the other person doesn’t respond and stop, then it’s a crime. No matter what.

How did you handle “the talk”?