Snapshot: What you DON’T Know About That Mom

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Lately there have been a few comments on Facebook about what moms have seen others moms doing in public and I worry that this trend is both divisive and judgmental. If someone were to see me for a fraction of my day, they would have absolutely no idea what my life is really like. Facebook is a haven for screening. Users usually capture only the happiest of moments to create a montage of happiness, but I have seen it working in reverse lately. A mom is seen giving her child a donut at 10am and everyone assumes the child doesn’t have a healthy diet. A mom loses her patience with a toddler at the playground and suddenly that mom is abusive. A mom checks her phone for an important email and others claim that she doesn’t pay any attention to her child. Here’s a list of things you might “catch” a mom doing that don’t necessarily make her the devil incarnate.Untitled design (1)

Junk Food: I might be a Reese’s-loving mama, but my girl only gets the healthy stuff! Most days she eats homemade breads, muffins, quinoa, veggie pancakes, and fruit smoothies. And, you might see her shoving a chocolate doughnut into her mouth on Saturday morning. Yup, she goes with her father every Saturday to Dunkin Donuts and gets a horribly unhealthy doughnut. Now, if you happen to see this, you might be shaking your head in disgust and asking yourself what kind of diet this poor child has. If you knew me, you would know that this happens exactly one time per week and that other days are spent eating the healthiest things I can find. This snapshot of my doughnut-eating toddler doesn’t tell you anything about her eating habits.

Donuts!
Donuts!

Phone Usage: We all can admit to a little bit of iPhone addiction for sure. You might even see me checking my phone on the playground (gasp). Yes, you might see me check my phone. Does that mean that my daughter runs wild while I scroll for hours on Facebook? No it does not. It means that my daughter is probably playing safely on a swing as I push her, and I have to answer a text message from my husband. It might also mean that I’m looking at a funny text from my friend. Does that make me a bad mom? Absolutely not. It also doesn’t mean that I spend hours on my phone while my daughter is starved for attention. Spend a day with me in my technology-free household (aside from 30 minutes of Daniel Tiger each afternoon before nap) and you might see that neither me nor my daughter use devices for most of the time when she is awake. Think you know that mom on the phone at the park? Think again.

Yoga Pants: I’m not going to lie and say I don’t like to slip on my most comfy Lululemon pants on a Monday morning and call it a day. In fact, you might see me in my yoga pants on more than one occasion. Does that mean I’m a “lazy” mom who has “let herself go?” Nope. In fact, if you followed me, you might see that I like to get down and dirty with my toddler in the parks and playgrounds. On another day, you might see me headed towards the gym to work out. On another day, you might see me just plain tired and not wanting to get all dressed up for the day. That mom wearing her yoga pants might be a hands-on mama, a workout mama, or just a tired mama. Maybe she has a newborn at home and this is the first moment she’s gotten out of the house. It’s okay to wear some yoga pants once in awhile so take the pressure off and let that mom enjoy her darn comfortable pants.

Mom Chatting: You’ve definitely seen some moms chatting it up at class or on the playground. You might have seen her child pulling at her and whining for her attention. Does your mind automatically think that she’s just living it up and ignoring her child? If it does, think again. Maybe her child has already been told the answer to his or her request and she is showing her amazing “I don’t see or hear you,” skills. Maybe her friend has told her something important and she needs to finish up the 20 second conversation before she addresses her child. This might have been the only adult conversation she’s had since 6am and she’s savoring the two minutes she has with this buddy.

There are so many other examples I can list here, but that would take forever. The point is that nobody knows what kind of mom you are except you. Mamas, we are all fighting a hard battle each and every day. We could all do without the raised eyebrows, whispering, or judgmental stares. Try a smile, a thumbs up, or a knowing glance. This job we call motherhood isn’t easy and we need to be kind to one another.

What are some activities you have been “judged” for?

 

 

 

 

 

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