This past winter with no warning, my very awesome job disappeared without a trace. Poof, gone. The issue is that in my family I had the primary salary. Luckily my husband works for a great place and they changed his part time job to full-time – but it isn’t going to cut it in the long run. We have a mortgage, insurance and daycare to take care of monthly (beyond all the other things we should be thinking about), and I need a job…like now.
I’m sure there are other moms out there that are going through the same thing. The feelings of guilt and sadness over losing a part of your adult life that doesn’t entirely revolve around your family. The feeling like you did something wrong and have a scarlet U (unemployed) burned into your psyche. Or perhaps you had a choice and left on your own terms and now are thinking about coming back into the workforce, and a search just seems overwhelming.
Welcome to my neighborhood. I am constantly looking at houses in other neighborhoods (Happy, Perfect and Confident), but for now, I’ll just ignore my neighbors (Overwhelm and Guilt) and focus on where I live (In-Action and Vulnerable), lest I go insane.
I have collected, curated and created some tips that have kept me balanced during this really insane time and will set me up to WIN. I’ll be honest, I don’t follow each one of them every day, but overall, these strategies help me from being a crying blubbering mess for my family at the end of the day. Or at least some of the time.
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
No really, what are you wearing? Sweats? Flannel Jammies? Maybe not. This is not like working at home. This is “I am buckling down and getting serious” job search. When you feel good about yourself and you are dressed appropriately, you can meet someone for a networking coffee or drink immediately. You also are keeping tabs on your work wardrobe and the fit of it. Because I know I’ve answered one too many texts from the fridge that says “wanna hang out” and not been able to get into those work pants.
Put on clothes that make you feel good about yourself and you look good in. Also do your hair and slap on some makeup (if that makes you feel good). It might just be you and the animals (furry or human) at home, but trust me, they’ll appreciate the reprieve from the yoga pants/ tank top rotation.
Oh, and wear shoes. It sounds crazy, but once I am in shoes, my day begins. Even if it’s flip flops.
My daughter exclaimed the other day, “Mommy, you look so pretty. Where are you going?” when I put on lipstick and ballet flats for a phone interview. I felt great, I did great in the interview, and had a second round in-person.
GET A ROUTINE
Getting into a routine where you set aside time to research, write, network and apply for jobs is critical. Starting each day with a fresh outlook of, “I wonder what the day will bring” will have you end up on the couch with a rock block of the newest NetFlix original faster than I can say, “Cereal for Dinner.”
Don’t do it!
Take 30 minutes each week to set yourself up to WIN. Write out the tasks you need to accomplish, schedule your networking calls/lunches/coffees. Pencil in appointments and errands. Create 1-3 hour blocks of computer time for research, correspondence, and writing/applying time. Put in times for breaks where you will peel yourself away from the screens and go do something else for at least an hour. This will get you back into the mindset of work, and having to schedule a day.
I create my to-do list on Sunday nights after my girls are in bed. Each day I revisit it to see what has been completed, what gets moved to another week, and what gets added. Sometimes I rewrite it, but mostly, it looks like this. Each day I have a different activity that takes me out of the house for a couple hours and away from the screens. Anything from networking lunch, coffee with a friend, library, job search group. I know when I do most of my search (between 10-12), network (1-3), research and professional development (3-5) and apply to positions (8pm-sleep). I know when I am more focused (in the evening) when I can slack off (afternoon) and when I like to read (in the am).
THE SEARCH TAKES TIME
Many people in my life have never gone through a search in the digital age. Their experience is that “well, there’s stuff online, can’t you just get that job?” Rather than go into a very long debate about online search and it’s effectiveness, just enlist those “helpful” folks and let them watch your children while you do the real work. They mean well, even when they don’t.
GOOD NEWS: With the advent of mobile apps, you do not have to be in front of the computer all the time for a job search. Most job search sites have free mobile apps, and paid sites have no charge apps (with subscription). This makes for a quick peruse of available postings. Best part about it? You can search just like checking Facebook or Instagram or any other media that this 40 something should know about but doesn’t. You can peruse the ads, save a job in line while waiting for coffee or at the grocery or while junior is creating the Lego masterpiece.
Today, while meeting with another contributor for a Mom Date, she excused herself for a minute. Rather than check Facebook for something interesting, I reached out to someone on LinkedIn, sent an email to a friend who needed my resume, and set an appointment for another networking meeting later in the week.
BAD NEWS: The debate about online searching…well, it’s only a small percentage of the jobs available. There is pavement to pound, networks to connect to, and jobs to create or uncover. More on this in the second installment….
BECOMING A CANDIDATE: MAKE THE TIME
Remember, you actually do have to apply or network your way into those jobs you just saved, and that takes the majority of your time. It is critical to get back to your desk to revisit those saved jobs to determine if it is a real match or a pipe-dream match, and your strategy to make your candidacy known.
For each job I want to be a candidate for, I average about 1.5 hours of work—research, cover letter, resume tweaking, reaching out to my network for recommendations, contacting hiring manager, etc. Some are way more, some are way less. But on a good day, I might apply to 5-7 jobs online, make 3-5 contacts with my network (email, LinkedIn, phone or text), compile research on target companies or professional development, and take a webinar. That’s a 9-12 hour job. THAT YOU DO NOT GET PAID FOR, and sometimes have NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT.
(exhale)
It takes time. It takes patience. It takes perseverance. You have to make the time to make it happen. It is critical to reach out to your network, read up on advances in your area of expertise, connect on LinkedIn, meet a friend/peer for coffee or better yet, play date with someone who will make you laugh. You will get another job, this is just a blip on the screen of life.
…..It reminds me of being pregnant with my first. I could have sworn at the time that pregnancy lasted 4 years. It only lasted 42 weeks. A blip.
GET OUTSIDE AND GET SILLY
It’s summer. When I started this search it was the dead of winter just before the 17 feet of snow arrived. I was miserable, and stuck home with two kids (snowdays… seriously!) and watching lots of TV and a fridge that kept calling “wanna hang out?” Let no one fool you, after losing a job you will go through the stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance) and unlike losing someone in your life, you have lost a bit of you. Your 8-12 hour a day personality with work husbands and work friends, people to get lunch with, chat in the halls, or avoid in the bathroom. None of that exists. It’s just you, thinking about who you were, what happened, and what’s going to happen.
Sniff: No really, I’m fine…..don’t mind me…..:Sniff:
Not a shocker, I was miserable. So on one particularly cruddy day when the kids actually made it to daycare, and I was just done with being inside, I went outside. It was like going through the door from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory….There in the pristine snow I laid down and made a snow angel. BECAUSE I COULD. Then I watched a blue jay land on my mailbox. Then I talked to my neighbor who was walking her dog. I felt better, albeit freezing my tush off, but my head was totally clear. As if someone had cleaned the dirty chalkboard in my head, I was no longer cloudy. I was focused, and I felt like “I got this”.
Later, in the Spring, by myself, I sat on my porch and blew bubbles. Then I had a bubble gum blowing contest with myself. I planted almost every blade of grass in my backyard and rediscovered nature. (I may have rolled down my neighbors hill once or twice, but I can’t confirm or deny that.) Just getting silly and tapping into that inner kid has me clear the cobwebs away and let me breathe. My office seems less like a dungeon now and I can incorporate play into my search activities (more on that in the next installment).
Every day, I make it a point to get outside for at least 30 mins. It resets me. Makes me feel like I am in the land of the living, once again. Sometimes, it’s for exercise. Sometimes it’s to write in my journal, most times it’s to just be outside and dream. I would suggest NOT taking the electronics with you, and be outside entirely distraction free. Your mind just might take you places you have not been to in a while, and aren’t adventures fun? And like any good vacation, you come back focused, refreshed and ready to re-engage.
So here’s the deal, whether you are a stay at home mom looking to get back into the game, or you find yourself without a gig and are in the process of a search, you CAN do it. Just remember, you wake up every day with a bit of an empty slate and are the CEO and Chief Bottle Washer of YOU, Inc. It feels a little scary and perhaps uncomfortable. But you are your only employee. Be a great boss to yourself and set yourself up to win. Get showered, get dressed, put on shoes, get into your groove, and before it feels stale, get outside and get silly.
Do you have any tips to add? Any other mamas working hard to find a job? Stay tuned for the next installment: Curating the Content of YOU.
