Mommy Dating is not for the weak. Yup, there’s even an app for that – but you couldn’t pay me to try it. It took me nearly six years of putting myself out there to find my mom squad.
At first I joined the local chapter of Mothers of Multiples when I moved to Fairfield. We all had one thing in common: we’d birthed multiple children at once. Guess what? That’s not enough. While this group offered tons of online support, it wasn’t going to be where I found my tribe. Online message forums can sometimes foster drama and judgement, and I knew that was something I wanted to avoid. Especially as a first-time mom of twins trying to survive in suburbia.
Then my girls began a class at Little Gym of Fairfield around nine months. My daughters took their first steps there and it became a safe haven. There were doors and padded walls, and I could chat with other moms while our kids could be kids. I still keep in touch with some of the moms from that first class. However, I suffered a miscarriage amid other moms enjoying second pregnancies. I distanced myself.
When the girls were about 15 months, I tried the MoMs club again. My twin mom friend and I went to a meeting determined to meet cool like-minded moms. I sat with a mom of twin boys who made me laugh. She was my age, stayed at home and we exchanged numbers. She began texting me and before I knew it, we were mommy dating.
We’d go on walks together with the kids in the stroller, cook each other dinner, commiserate over teething and sleep issues, and vent about our husbands. Finally, I felt like I had found the close girlfriend relationship I had been looking for all these years. Our husbands got along and we even considered joining their club. But she began to act strange.
She ghosted me. It hurt like high school. I couldn’t comprehend what I’d done to deserve it. I blamed myself. More recently friends have opened up to me about being ghosted too. It felt good to know I wasn’t crazy.
Once I regained my confidence, I employed a new strategy. Dating works when you meet people through people you already know. I started a Facebook Group called “Cool Moms.” The concept was that you could invite anyone to join so long as you were already friends. We planned meet-ups and Moms Night Out events and I reconnected with local high school friends, some of whom had twins and even triplets (what’s in the water, Greenwich?). I met some great moms who are still part of my #momsquad today.
While my Cool Moms Facebook Group doesn’t exist anymore, the concept is fairly fool-proof. If you can meet just one “Cool Mom,” you’re sure to open up a network of many, many more.
If you haven’t found an opportunity to meet Cool Moms yet, don’t worry, it gets easier. Here are some survival tips:
Mommy Dating 101
Baby Age: Ask your pediatrician if there is a newborn group, and if there isn’t, ask to form one and take the lead. Look at your local Welcome Club (many people love them for clam bakes and book club opps). Get yourself out there and hit the playground or local library for story time. Go places you like and you will meet people like you! It’s just like dating…you likely won’t make a match at a bar or a supermarket (unless you’re me – love you babe!).
Toddler Age: There are so many fun things to do in Fairfield County! Take advantage. Go to things that interest you — NOT the things you think make you look like a good parent. We spent an enormous amount of time at the Westport YMCA Toddler Adventure Gym. It was a mecca for mommy dating. You just have to find your spot.
Nursery School: It’s a natural environment to meet potential squad members. There are tons of socializing opportunities at pick-up and drop-off. Volunteer to help with the preschool fundraiser and you will really get to know people. It’s how I made wonderful forever friends at Earthplace and know other moms who formed book clubs and bunco groups through preschool friendships.
Elementary School: You’re back at the drawing board, friends. Many times you pick a preschool for one reason and then realize your child’s bestie is zoned for another Kindergarten. True story. Your child will come home and ask for a play date with Suzie Q and you’re forced to look up her parents in the school directory to find a contact and invite them over. What to do? Get involved in the PTA, even on a small level (there are night meetings for working parents). Become a class mom, work in the library, help with a fundraiser, read to the class one day. It’s not that bad and you can meet the kids and the parents pretty quickly (think speed dating).
Beyond: Facebook has become an incredibly useful tool for doing things beyond sharing cute photos of animals. The “Groups” are a great way to network within your local community, to sell things you don’t need anymore, ask questions and discover other like-minded people.
Try searching for “Moms of [INSERT YOUR TOWN HERE]” and I bet you’ll find a town group. (i.e. Stamford Moms, Westport & Fairfield CT Parents, Moms of Fairfield, Working Moms of Fairfield County, Moms in Weston, Wilton Mom’s Club, Greenwich Moms, etc. Many schools also have their own Facebook Group so be on the lookout for more ways to connect. Don’t discount work-related Facebook Groups like Gold Coast Connect, which hosts networking events. It’s a great way to meet smart, fun people with great work ethic and passion for our community – all in a “Mom’s Night Out” atmosphere.
