Remember when your parents took you to Woolworth’s on October 30th to pick out your costume and some candy and called it day. Better yet, when they handed you a can of aerosol chemical laden spray paint, an Exacto knife, and a large cardboard box and you made yourself your Halloween costume.
Well, the Halloween of our childhood memories is LONG gone. With the creation of Pinterest and the exuberance to celebrate all holidays to the 100 millionth degree Modern Halloween Madness was born.
1. Put it on the Calendar – and preferably a shared Calendar
With the 85 Halloween events over the course of the last two weeks of October, you are going to want to schedule everything early. You will need to make sure you are available for the Trunk & Treat on the weekend and your neighbor’s adult Halloween bash on Sunday (book the babysitter now). Also, make sure you know which day your child’s school plans to celebrate Halloween because it is never just as simple as October 31st. Some schools opt to have all their pumpkin festivities on the Friday before Halloween to preserve academic time. Also, you might live in one of those towns that does Trick or Treating on the weekend and not on a precious school night. Check your local paper… do people still get the local paper?
2. Costume Planning
When you find your 5-year-old’s highlighted, dogeared copy of the contraband Pottery Barn/Firefly magazine, that you swore you placed immediately into the recycling bin… you are TOO late! There will be nothing left in your child’s size at Target or Party City. The Halloween shopping window goes into effect when you are completely in over your head with back to school shopping and can’t possibly fathom purchasing your 100th princess dress. If you have the guts and endurance to withstand Target or Walmart in October you will be greeted by Santa and Christmas decorations.
3. Fickle Minded Children
Let’s just say a miracle occurred and you and your children not only AGREED upon a Halloween costume BUT you purchased said Halloween costume. Don’t ride off on your broomstick into the sunset, just yet. Cause hold Up. Your child has now changed their mind and would never ever in million years be caught wearing an elaborately gorgeous Halloween costume that cost more than you paid for your wedding dress. Your child might make it even extra special and change their mind the morning of. Good luck finding a costume on Halloween!
4. Candy… Candy … Candy
Make sure you hand out nut-free, gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, dye free, organic candy. Better yet you shouldn’t hand out candy. Go get a zillion toys, those are super fun. But not plastic toys because those have BPA. They need to be American made toys out of sustainable materials that are not a choking hazard. If you are cool you can hand out full-sized candy bars. Never apples because they could have razors in them. And if you do go for the full sized candy bars be prepared to be reputation smeared all over social media and maybe kicked out of your neighborhood.
5. It’s a Family Affair
Clip those Michael’s coupons early and often and make sure that hot glue gun is locked and loaded. For Modern Halloween everyone needs a costume. Including pets. Not only does everyone need a costume but they need to be themed and coordinated. In other words, your opinionated toddler can’t be a fairy-tree unicorn princess because there are no fairy-tree unicorn princesses in the Justice League. I mean seriously doesn’t every four-year-old girl want to be Aquaman? And never dress as a family of clowns, that is also banned.
In the end, godspeed my friends and enjoy Modern Halloween Madness. I bet you wish Woolworth’s was still open… I do!