Recently I took a weekend away from my family to spend time with two of my sorority sisters. As I traveled into the city on the train alone, I realized it was the first time in a long time that I felt free. Free from work responsibilities, children, my husband; pretty much everything that I love about my life, but the stuff that has been weighing me down.
In fact, I lost my way, my joie de vie, my sparkle. To be honest, the past three years have been really hard for me. My family has suffered some hard blows: my father-in-law nearly died, my husband has been dealing with anxiety, my mom’s depression has worsened, my boys have become more clingy to me, and we’ve been to the urgent care/ER so often the people who work there now know us.
I have taken each hit in stride and powered through. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been without a cost. I have been surviving, not living. I haven’t been taking care of myself the way I know I need to.
My cholesterol and weight aren’t where I want them to be. As a former gym-rat, I barely workout twice a week these days. I’ve also fallen off the radar with most of my friends. Texting/calling/emailing friends has become a chore.
That hour-long train ride into the city was a wake up call for me. Rather than continuing to simply go through the motions, I’ve been trying to be better about working out and giving myself grace. I have also been working on reconnecting with my friends. If you haven’t heard from me in a while, know I’m trying my best. Please know it’s not that I don’t want to be your friend; instead, I need to remember how to be my own best friend. As a mom, it’s especially hard to remember to take care of myself, but as they say on airplanes, you need to put your mask on first in order to care take of others.