My life before children was very different. I was very lonely when my husband and I moved to Connecticut seven years ago – no friends or family nearby. I ended up creating a women’s group on Meetup.com for women to get together and do fun things. I met all kinds of women and we had some really wonderful experiences – eating at quirky restaurants, tours, fairs and festivals near and far, spa days, movies and a host of other adventures. The most important thing is that I made some life-long friends. The problem is that I’ve neglected them.
The majority of the women in this group were either not looking to have children or their children were grown and out of the house. I’m not really sure any if them knew that I intended on having a child. To be honest, when I became pregnant I can only speculate that some were, although happy for me, a little confused.
I kept the group together as long as I could, but once I was put on bedrest and couldn’t do anything, the group started to fall apart. It’s been two years now since we’ve done anything together. I’ve kept in touch with a handful of these great ladies through Facebook, and have even spent time with a few here and there, but it’s just not the same. This is not to say I’m tired of my mom friends. Not at all. I’ve had the opportunity to meet some amazing women I may have never come into contact with if it weren’t for my daughter, and I hope they will remain in my life as long as possible. While my mom friends and I certainly talk about more things than just our kids, it’s still different than with my non-mom friends. Not easier or better. Just different.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the ladies I no longer see on a regular basis (Perhaps, and highly likely, the maniacal three and a half year old that tries to rule my house with a tiny, adorable fist is the reason I’ve been pondering my child-free days). I miss my non-mom friends and our outings. I miss doing the exciting things for ME instead of my daughter – and I make no qualms when I say I do things for myself all the time, but they are still homebody things. No river tubing for me. No weeknight dinners at “the new” restaurant in town. No listening to stories where children won’t enter the conversation unless I’m asked about my own. Sure, I love to talk about her, but she isn’t all that I’m made up of.
I guess that’s why I miss these ladies. I miss that I was just Allison to them. I’m sure my mom friends are reading this saying, “We know you as Allison, too,” but we all have that tie of knowing each other through our kids. Our kids are what drew us together as friends. Our friendships are very strong, but we most likely wouldn’t have crossed each other’s paths without the kids. It isn’t out of the realm of possibility we walked past each other at the supermarket and never skipped a beat.
I wonder when the time will come when I can feel “just Allison” again. Probably never. Maybe when the kid is out of the house? Good lord. That’s a long time to wait — but it’s a goal. Until then, I will love being Mom, A’s mom, Mrs. Randall, etc., and will never regret having to be those things. Now I just need to call my non-mom friends and see if they’re free for lunch this weekend since I’ll have free childcare, and it’s not too late that my daughter will be upset I’m not home to tuck her in.
What do you miss about your life before kids?
