I remember it as though it was yesterday. My older daughter was only a few minutes old, and I was still lying on the operating table. I had a rush of emotions; scared, excited, relieved that she was here and safe. And then, it happened. That very loud, very shrill cry of a newborn just realizing it was cold and bright in the outside world. I know this seems obvious that a baby would cry, but honestly, it surprised me.
My husband and I are quiet people. He doesn’t talk much, and I like things at low volume. I remember driving with my sister-in-law in the car years ago. She was in the back, and I guess we forgot to turn the radio on, or it was very low, and she called us Grandma and Grandpa. We just like the quiet. So I froze in the moment of that first cry, realizing our peaceful existence was about to be turned upside down.
It’s been 7 1/2 years since that fateful cry, and I have to say, it hasn’t gotten any quieter. My oldest daughter is a sweet kid with big feelings and big emotions. I like to say she “feels all the feels,” and with that comes crying, a lot of crying. When she’s frustrated or upset, it’s straight from zero to sixty, crying.
I am a crier, so I get it. I cry when I’m happy and when I’m sad. I cry at commercials, songs, books, everything. And I’m a complete sympathetic crier, specifically when someone cries on TV. So I know all about crying in all types of situations. But we’ve taken a turn into the disruptive type of crying. It stops as abruptly as it starts, and it can be anything from not getting her way to things not turning out the way she planned. And once she’s expressed her feelings with a good (and hopefully short) cry, she’s back to her sweet self.
Here’s the thing, I’ve read all the articles that say you shouldn’t tell your child to stop crying, but you have to know your kid. Just like with a newborn, I can tell when it’s a cry for attention, a cry of frustration, or a cry to get her way. I can also tell when she’s actually hurt, either physical or emotional.
We should never stunt their emotional expressions, but sometimes I just need to stop her in her tracks. I ask her why she’s upset and how we can correct the issue. I feel like when we’re in mixed company with people who don’t know me, they seem a little surprised when I have a tough-love approach to the crying fits, but I can’t always feed into it. I don’t throw myself on my daughter when she cries, but I do assess the situation to see how much attention is warranted.
If she’s anything like me, my daughter will always cry when something affects her deeply. We’re just in the over the top, crying will fix everything part of her life. I’m thankful that our friends and family know the drill, so I’m in a judgment-free zone when I have to manage the situation, and I really look forward to a quieter existence…in a few years.
