Twenty or so years ago (though it seems like just yesterday), I was a moody teenager. And, if you were like me back in those days, you probably had a laundry list of things that your mother would do that drove you completely bonkers and that you swore you’d never (never ever) do when you had kids.
Today, I’m a mom of two in her mid thirties eating a giant plate of humble pie. Guess what? I’ve turned into my mother. That laundry list of things I swore I would never do? Yeah, I do them all (and then some). I probably have another five years or so until my daughter starts writing in her journal about how annoying I am. But my day of reckoning is coming, and one day, I’m sure she’ll be eating her humble pie too.
Without further ado:
- I clean my kids’ faces with spit. I despised this when I was a kid! Gosh, mom, stooooop! Guess what? When your kid’s face is dirty, and you’re in a pinch, a finger with some spit does the trick. #momhack
- I sing loudly in the car and embarrass them. Remember when your parents would sing awful songs from the 70s? Me too. Turn the Donna Summer off, pu-lease. Now instead of disco, I’m torturing my kids with anything between Nirvana and N’Sync, and they’re mortified.
- When they stand next to the bed staring at me hoping I’ll wake up, I pretend I’m sleeping. My mom never wanted to wake up on Saturday morning, and I thought she was so lazy. No, not lazy. A human who needed sleep to function properly. Sorry, mom. What goes around comes around.
- I use 58204719036 types of beauty products, mostly on my face in hopes of slowing down the wrinkle train. I order most of them from QVC (easy pay, anyone?). Except nowadays you can order from QVC online (my mom had to make a phone call from a landline…).
- I watch television that isn’t exactly appropriate for my demographic. Why is my mom watching 90210 with me? Mom is too old for this! Good television knows no age range. Yes, I still watch 90210 (and a slew of other shows my husband judges me for, as my dad did my mom).
- I remind my kids often that “Mommy was your age once, you know…” No way mom was ever my age! Mom is a dinosaur! 35 is so OLD! As I write this (at age 35), I am acutely aware of how young I actually am. Hindsight is 20/20 on this one. At least I don’t feel like a dinosaur (yet).
- I have trouble shopping for age-appropriate clothes. My mom used to tell me that she always found herself looking at the clothes meant for 20-somethings and having to steer herself to the other end of stores to begrudgingly buy age-appropriate clothing. Fortunately for me, mom jeans and leggings are in right now, so I’ve dodged this issue for the most part (at least for now).
- I cannot stay awake for a movie if it starts after 9 p.m. I distinctly remember poking my mom trying to wake her up while we watched a movie. Sheesh, ma…wake up! Ask my husband how many movies we’ve watched together from start to finish since having kids. I’ll give you a hint. The number looks like a donut.
- I have no tolerance for alcohol. Why is mom turning red after her second glass of wine? Now you can find me drinking water at the Memorial Day picnic, or I’ll be napping on your couch for the afternoon. This mom parties hard, just like her own mom.
- I have no idea (at all) what is happening in mainstream media. Mooooom, how do you not know who this is? He’s sooooo famous! Last time I saw a commercial for the MTV movie awards, I turned to my husband and said, “I don’t know who any of these people are. When did this happen? I’ve turned into my mother.”
And the list could go on and on (and on…).
Motherhood is full of amazing, terrifying, and hilarious moments, and you can’t plan for any of them. My mom always told me, “One day you’ll see…”
I see now, Mom. And now I love you even more. Thank goodness I’ve turned into you. There’s no one else I’d rather be. Happy Mother’s Day.