Sometimes quiet people really do have a lot to say … they’re just being careful about who they open up to. – Susan Gale
Imagine you’re at a big party. You have friends, acquaintances and total strangers there. From across the room you see your friend who can talk to anyone. They are the person that can enter a conversation with complete strangers and leave that conversation with a bunch of new friends and a plan to meet up for drinks the following weekend. Now look behind your extroverted friend. Somewhere at the party, with their back against the wall, you’ll find someone who isn’t talking much. They seem to not want to be bothered and you start to wonder why they are even at that party in the first place. That person is me. The introvert.
An Introverted Girl…
I was never one to have a lot of friends. I have a lot of acquaintances but my close friends consist of five or six people. Two of which I’ve known since I was a child. It’s not that I’m not a nice person. I like to think of myself as pretty open and caring, but the idea of trying to strike up a conversation with someone I don’t know makes me physically exhausted. If I’m not searching for something to say I’m worrying if what I just said could’ve been misinterpreted in any way. At the end of the day it’s easier for me to just hang out in the background and take everything in.
Stephen Hawkin once said, “Quiet people have the loudest minds.” This describes me perfectly. While I may not be saying much, I’m always thinking. If it’s a social setting where I don’t know many people, my mind is constantly racing with thoughts like:
- Am I saying enough?
- Am I saying too much?
- Did that sound snotty?
- Do I need to fix my face?
- What if my answer to their question didn’t make sense?
- Should I ask them more questions and talk less about my experience?
You can see where this can get exhausting. When I tell you that after a big party I need a day home to recover, it’s not from too much alcohol (at least not fully), it’s from my mind being so tired from all these questions and my body taking the brunt of the physical exhaustion that comes with that social anxiety.
Living In An Extroverted World…
My husband, on the other hand, IS that extroverted friend you see at the party. He has a gift of being able to talk to anyone. Finding common ground with a stranger seems to be his calling. When it comes to social settings we are the exact opposite. He can’t even drive alone without talking to someone, while I relish the quiet. He prefers to make phone calls where I’d prefer there was an option to go straight to a persons voicemail. If we are at a party he, with the best of intentions, tries to include me in a conversation with people I don’t know. Immediately I cringe and all those introverted thoughts start racing through my head. More often than not I just can’t wait to get back in the car where it’s just me and him and I can relax.
Being an introvert can really give people the wrong opinion of you. I’m sure to some I’ve come off cold, snotty, stuck up or any other adjective they feel applies to someone who seems disinterested in everyone around them. Just know that we get anxious in big crowds or around people we don’t know. We are quiet but for me, I’m not being quiet because I’m judging you. I’m being quiet because I’m constantly afraid something I’ll say will make you judge me. Give us introverts a break. We are trying our best.
