(The Things I Feel) As I Pack You Away

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The clothes sat there for some time, spilling over the edge of an empty Pampers box. It had been weeks since I had switched my third child’s clothing over to a bigger size. Still, there they sat in the corner of his room, waiting for me.

Maybe it was because I had a million other things to do. Trying to keep up with the never-ending laundry and dishes of a family of five was enough of a battle. And perhaps  I was avoiding the task altogether. Packing away his clothes meant he was getting bigger. Getting older. Changing. Maybe it was a little bit of both. But inevitably, the time came when I needed to pack them away.

And as soon as I started, the familiar feelings I had felt with my first and also my second child, came rushing back. Becoming a mom has the power to do that. It has the power to amplify emotions and make you a complete mush. Where a task as mundane as packing away clothes can suddenly trigger a mix of emotions.

pack away

Where did the time go?

How did you get so big?

How were you this small?

Would there be another baby to wear this?

I held up each piece of clothing, admiring them. That perfect baby scent filling my nose. One big inhale….Ah. I’m going to miss that smell.  

I folded the outfit he came home from the hospital in and the personalized onesie I ordered off of Etsy. I folded the favorite one piece outfit I had bought when I was pregnant. The one with a matching bib and sweater, when he was a wish and a dream. I smiled. And then a  pang of sadness hit. I knew in time these outfits would get bigger. 9 month clothing. 24 months. 3T. They would get bigger and so would he. And I knew, even still, they would hold so much meaning and so many memories. 

Those outfits would keep my baby warm in the winter and cool in the summer. They would be spit up on and snuggled in. They would be stained by blowouts and first foods. They would see early mornings and late nights. They would sit nestled on my chest for a nap on the couch. They would go to 2 week checkups and first family outings. They would see first steps and first haircuts. They would be there for the falls, bumps and bruises. They would be there for the first day of school. Those outfits would be there for all the moments. They were part of my baby’s story. They were my reminders. Would I remember them all? 

Maybe it’s your first child. Maybe it’s your last. Maybe you’re like me, and you don’t know if there will be anymore. Either way, the feelings come. Motherhood has a way of doing that. Motherhood has a way of making the mundane so much more.

The things you feel as you pack them away.

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Alisa Fulvio
Alisa is a psychotherapist, life coach and mom of three. Alisa is a native of Fairfield County and lives with her husband (a New York transplant), daughter (October 2012) and two sons (January 2015, June 2018). Following the birth of her second child, Alisa left her full-time job and pursued her dream of starting her own private practice by founding Balanced Being Counseling, LLC and Balanced Being Coaching, LLC (abalancedbeing.com) located in downtown Fairfield. Alisa specializes in working with young women and moms to decrease stress and manage feelings of anxiety and depression. She is trained in treating perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and is an active committee member of Postpartum Support International- CT Chapter serving as the Communications Chair. Alisa is the creator the Facebook Group, Balanced Mama, a non-judgmental space for moms to feel inspired, gain support and come together among the chaos. She is passionate about motherhood, supporting women, buffalo chicken and a good margarita.

1 COMMENT

  1. The feelings will always come. Whether you are packing away the baby things as your children grow or taking out the Christmas ornaments that your adult children made for you when they were little ones. The feelings and memories will always be there. You will remember more of those wonderful times, than the difficult times. Being a mama is the best and most difficult job. We have big hearts, strength, love, compassion, patience and don’t forget guilt. We are Super Heroes! Enjoy every memory!

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