Don’t be That Mom! A Guide to Keeping your Non-Mom Friends

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You didn’t mean to. It just happened. You got all wrapped up in this crazy thing called motherhood and you forgot that there are people out there who take showers in peace and discuss things other than bowel movements. These are your friends without children.  Sometimes, you may feel that your friends without children are avoiding you or spending more time away from you. Luckily, this guide will help you understand the rookie mom missteps you may have made and how to correct them.

By: Joel Kramer

The Nightmare Get-Together:
You can admit it. You agreed to meet your friend for a bite and figured she wouldn’t mind if you brought your precious little peanut along. I mean, I’m sure she hasn’t seen you or your baby in awhile, so naturally she would welcome the idea of seeing you both. You went in with good intentions. You were sparing her the experience of meeting you at home with your sweatpants and unwashed hair. Surely she would like to avoid that. But then the inevitable happened- you sat through a meal half-listening to her exciting new job prospect, praying your child would stop chewing and spitting out French fries, and left after 45 minutes. While I’m sure your friend would never say it, she probably wished that she could have had 10 solid minutes of your undivided attention instead of an hour of you half listening.  Moms have very short amounts of spare time, so why not make dates with your childless friends after your child is asleep?  Believe me, I know that precious two hour nap in the afternoon is your only sanity, but invite her over and let her hang for a little bit. If your friend wants to see your child, they can hang with your gem for a little bit and then have some chat time with you while the cherub sleeps. Easy.

By: Maria Elena

The Picture Overload:
Do you spend hours snapping photos of those fabulously adorable moments that happen with your child all day each day?  I do too!  You aren’t alone.  But let me break it to you, if you’re posting them all on Facebook…it’s too much. Most of your friends have already unfollowed you because you are clogging up their news feed with pictures containing captions such as, “Jenna thinks the laundry basket is so much fun,” and, “I can’t believe he put a bowl on his head.”  While you know that your child is the cutest thing on the planet, it doesn’t mean that you need to share ALL of those photos with your 659 Facebook friends each day.  Try to save the 500 picture uploads for grandma and grandpa and save the holiday, birthday, and special occasion photos for the rest of us.  You can even setup a picture page through Shutterfly where grandma and grandpa can check out your thousands of picture uploads each day. As far as the Facebook situation is concerned.Seriously.Stop.

By: Abigail Batchelder

The Lack of Real Conversation:
Moms love to talk about poop. It’s some bizarre obsession that begins with the first diaper change. Other moms can engage in this strange practice while they stir their coffee and assess the contents of your child’s diaper without batting an eye. As for your friends without kids? Not so much. Being a mom is an all consuming endeavor. We eat, sleep, breathe, and dream it without question.  Contrary to what you might think, not everyone enjoys engaging in this type of conversation. In fact, a quick summary of your child’s latest accomplishments will usually suffice for most people.  No need to spend the entire time with your friends documenting each grade, award, new word, new skill, or latest tantrum.  Take off your mommy hat for a half an hour and discuss something (anything) else with your childless friends.  Not only does it give you a mental break, it also lets your friends know that you haven’t fallen victim to the “I worship my kids” disease.  Remember the days before you had kids?  Right, there are a FEW things you enjoy talking about, I know it!

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The Scheduling Nightmare:
We know that you have music, swimming, hockey, lacrosse, pre lacrosse, pre pre lacrosse and all that, but are you positive that you don’t have one single hour in an entire weekend to meet your friend for coffee, a yoga class, or even a manicure? There is never a good reason to abandon your child at a soccer game and head for Starbucks, but taking an hour out to meet with a good friend will do you both good. In this case, it’s important to find a common day and time that works for everyone.  While most of my childless friends would vomit at the thought of a 10am breakfast outing, everyone can agree to an afternoon or evening chat session.  No time to leave the house?  How about a phone call.  Remember those?  It’s the other function your phone has aside from texting. Note to non-moms…please don’t ask us to go out for dinner at 10pm. We just…well, we just need to SLEEP!

At the heart of all friendship is compromise.  In fact, we make compromises each and every day to accomplish the tasks that are important to us.  Life is most certainly about balance.  There’s no question that being a mom takes a laser focus on constantly shifting priorities, but if a relationship is important to you, it deserves a place on your ever-growing to-do list.  While this post focuses on what we as moms can do better, there has to be a middle ground.  If your friends without children are still asking you to meet for dinners at 10pm, are unwilling to yield to any compromise, or completely ignoring the existence of your child, it might be time to cut the cord. While most friendships weather the winds of change, others will not.  It’s okay.  Your mom friends will be there right by your side with the latest story about their child’s poop disaster, and that’s just fine!

How have your friendships weathered your transition into motherhood?  What changes or adjustments have you made to maintain them?

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