Dear Mom at the Baby pool,
I see you. I feel you. I know what the days of standing in ankle deep urine water feel like. We have experienced the swim diaper leaks, the floaties, the whole “they will be fine with no floaties” but they are really not. I know that you see me over here at the “big kid pool” and you loathe my very existence. Because I totally did that. And the worst is when one kid is ready for the big kid pool and the other is NOT.
One day ALL your kids will swim, and you can join me at the “big kid pool.” I will be the one in the lounge chair, probably with a drink in hand, and we can talk about the emotional drama and abusive manipulation that is having older children. Don’t worry I will wait for you. I will save you a lounge chair.
Dear Mom at the beach carrying 73 sand toys,
It gets better. One day soon, your child will actually carry some of their toys. Notice I didn’t say all. One day NONE of your kids will eat sand. And I know from experience that consuming LOTS of sand does not, in fact, kill them (WebMD said so). Your children will learn to swim and one day you will be able to sit at the beach. You will be able to go to the beach and WATCH your children play. It might only be for five minutes because all good beach trips involve throwing sand and fighting, but there will be a day that it gets a little easier. And please for the love of god STOP bringing ALL the beach toys.
MOM hack – On the way to the beach, stop at a coffee drive-thru and BUY two iced coffees. Chug one in the car (you will need the caffeine to keep up with your children). Then give said empty cup to the children as their one and only beach toy.
Dear Mom at the Carnival/Amusement park with a baby in an ergo,
Please make sure you are drinking LOTS of water because strapping a small human radiator to your chest on a 95-degree day is like doing a CrossFit workout in the Moabi dessert. You will sweat in places you didn’t know were capable of sweating. And for the mom whose two-year-old is throwing a class-A tantrum because they’re too short to go on the rides, let’s hug it out because when your child goes “boneless” on the gum laden, cotton candy streaked pavement, that just sucks. One day your kid will get taller and your children will be able to go on all the rides…wait for it… by themselves. It will happen. Then you can join me in shelling out hundreds of dollars on tickets, so your child can later complain all night that their stomach hurts.
Dear Mom on Vacation,
Does that even exist? Can you be a “Mom” on vacation? That is like calling a “business trip” a vacation, and in my mind, those are two very different things. Going on vacation with small children just means you have to feed, clothe and take care of your children without the comfort of your own home and WORSE sometimes with no washing machine. But we are making memories, lots and lots of special memories. Sadly, this one hasn’t gotten that much easier for us, but I at least have HOPE that one day soon it will.
Dear First-Time Mom,
Summer poses a whole lovely array of things that first-time moms can worry and obsess over. Because mommy-hormones love to worry. Here is a very small list of things I fretted over as a first-time mom during the dogs day of summer… sunblock, not wearing sunblock, bug spray, ticks, chlorine, bug bits, eating sand, heat rash, is it ok to breastfeed when your boob is drenched in sweat (true story totally googled that one)… Summer with an infant can be challenging…BUT it gets easier. Are we starting to see a pattern here? And then one day they will go to ALL DAY SUMMER CAMP!