Hello, my name is Amy, and I have had FOMO.
A little over a year ago, I started to feel like my life was falling apart. I couldn’t keep my house in order, couldn’t focus on my business, and was losing my patience and focus at work. I wasn’t sleeping well, eating terribly, and overall feeling lost. There were also some serious self-esteem issues in the mix and constant panic. And to top it all off, the mother of all bad feelings — mommy guilt {pardon the pun}.
Mommy guilt and anxiety put me into a fog I couldn’t see through. That ever-so-unpleasant feeling that I was missing out on something created a panic freeze in me I can’t even begin to explain. Not only had I developed a habit of over-committing myself to anything and everything I was asked to do, but I also started to question every decision I was making, so much so that I stopped making any at all.
I started ignoring ALL the to-dos for every commitment I had, professionally and personally. Of course, those to-dos didn’t “do” themselves, so the list got longer and longer and longer. But that fear of missing out, or FOMO, kept me from doing anything other than perseverating on what I perceived I was missing out on.
I was losing my grip on my life and didn’t know how to fix it.
After some lengthy conversations with my husband, I sought a psychologist to work with and tackle the overwhelming FOMO anxiety I faced daily. I’ve spent the last year working on myself and reflecting on how it all began. Was there something that put me over the edge? One thing that I was doing that wasn’t helping my FOMO situation?
I started to look at my habits. How did I approach each daily activity? With eagerness? Dread? Caution? I began to notice a pattern when it came to my social media and internet browsing habits. Something was lurking behind every email, each blog post I was drawn to. It was one word. An ugly, guilt-laced, anxiety-producing word. And that word was “should.”
It was everywhere.
“7 Things You Should Do Before Next Friday”
“25 Things You Should Do In The Next 5 Minutes”
“147 Crafts You Should Do With Your Kids Right Now So They Love You Forever.”
Once I realized that “should” was a trigger word for me, I felt a huge relief. It wasn’t easy at first to stop the FOMO game, but identifying a huge player in the game helped. I had to concentrate and remind myself constantly that I wasn’t missing out on anything. That my life was full and beautiful.
“No more FOMO” became my mantra. Repeating it to myself made not clicking on those pretty “should” emails and blog posts a little bit easier. I could see past the perfect Instagram feeds. It made declining invitations and requests a little less guilt-ridden, too.
As time passed, the “shoulds” in my life became easier to handle. I decided I wanted my life to be about more than the places I’ve visited, how “connected” I was in my community, or how many activities I did with my kids last weekend. I didn’t need to keep up with anyone else or their family. I just needed to keep up with mine.
And I finally — FINALLY — decided I was tired of being told what I needed to know, what I needed to do, or how I needed to feel. Only I know what’s best for me. And that’s the only way it should be.
Don’t get me wrong; I still have my moments. I’m the first to admit that I can just as easily get caught up in the “should” game. Slap the word “should” on a pretty picture, and I’m bound to click on it. But I’ve worked too hard on myself to give up now. I’m not willing to go back to a life of “shoulds.”
