The Pros & Cons of a Big Age Gap

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The general reaction I receive when someone asks me how far apart in age my children are is one of, for lack of better word, shock. Deciding on when to add to a family is not an easy decision. I’m sure everyone has had a family member ask them  “When are you going to have another?” While people will inevitably offer their input, this is every families personal choice. For me and my family, we don’t mind the gap!age gap

My daughter was born in April 2009. My son was born in July 2014. This leaves a staggering five years and two months in between them. I’ve seen the pros and cons of having a big age difference between siblings. So if you’re having a hard time deciding how much time you would like in between siblings, I’ll break it down for you. This is no way a comprehensive list!

Pros

I think the biggest pro was that two months after my son was born, my daughter started full day kindergarten. This left me an entire eight hours of just tending to one child. I was still able to sleep when my newborn son napped. I didn’t have to worry about keeping a toddler entertained. More importantly, my daughter had something she felt was hers. She was able to come home from school and talk to me about her day. A day that didn’t revolve around her newborn baby brother.

Being that my daughter was five I felt comfortable leaving her in the family room with our son while I tried to cook dinner. She also was very happy to entertain her little brother while I cleaned or folded laundry.

Another big one – I only had one in diapers! Not only was she potty trained but she had been for almost 2 years by the time her brother was born. I didn’t have to worry about her having accidents or even worse packing two sets of diapers whenever we would venture outside. 

I didn’t worry about sibling jealousy or her “accidentally” dropping a toy on her brothers head. She loved the little baby from the minute she saw him in the hospital. There was no acting out or competing for our affection. I feel this was because of her age. She didn’t worry about not being our baby anymore because she didn’t want to be. She relished in being the “older” sister. All of our attention was given to her for five straight years. 

Cons

You forget about life with a newborn. Burping them after every two ounces of food. The constant spit-up and of course the sleepless nights. This was by far the biggest adjustment. Our five year old was completely self efficient. So to go from one extreme to another was a huge eye opener.

My daughter is now eight which means her social calendar is more impressive than mine. She plays travel soccer, has gymnastics, is on the student council, and plays the cello. That means I’m dragging my now three year old son to all the practices, some of which run way past his 7:30 bedtime. So instead of being able to watch my daughter play soccer or gymnastics I do a quick drop off and pick up. If I didn’t, my son would be running around like a lunatic. (I tried to suck it up once and he ran onto the court of a high school varsity volleyball game).

Trying to find an activity that both enjoy is nearly impossible. My daughter is too big for “tot time” at any local bounce house or trampoline park. Meanwhile I shudder to think what would happen to my little three year old on a trampoline full of 8-12 year olds. My son has no interest in pottery painting. Forget about finding a movie they’d both like.

My son is at an age where all he wants to do is play. On the other hand, my daughter retreats to her room after her homework to either read or watch her iPad. My son doesn’t understand why his big sister doesn’t want to play and a meltdown soon follows. So who is playing with him to keep him happy right at dinner time? That would be me.

Don’t Mind The Gap

What it comes down to is that having siblings with a big age difference was what our family wanted. I think I would’ve lost my mind having a toddler and a newborn. Others can’t imagine going back to diapers after such a long time. Our family loves the age difference in our two little ones. Age doesn’t create closeness, love does. We have that in abundance.age gap

What’s the age gap in your family?

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