3 Words I Am TRYING to Eliminate From My Vocabulary

I am a big fan of languages. I have studied French and Russian and even tried to teach my kids some Italian when they were babies (all of which they have forgotten, BTW). The words that we choosecan have a lot of power. Language can influence. It describes. What we say to others (and to ourselves) can build us up, or it can tear us down. The language and vocabulary we use is a huge part of our actions, intentions, and what results from them. Because I believe so strongly in this, I have been working on a new concept. There are just a few words I am deliberately trying not to use anymore. 

JEALOUS 

This is just an ugly word, isn’t it? No one wants to admit that they are a jealous person. And yet, take a look at Facebook or any of the other social channels. What is the first thing that people say when they see that someone is off doing something amazing? You’re in Paris? I’M SO JEALOUS! It’s funny because, on the surface, it seems flattering. You are saying, “You are doing something I wish I were doing too!” But how about flipping the script on this concept? Instead of saying you are jealous, how about saying, “I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!  YOU TOTALLY DESERVE THIS!” Give it a try.

LUCKY

Here’s my new rule. The only person who is allowed to tell me I’m lucky is ME. And I am REALLY trying not to tell anyone else that s/he is lucky either. Do you want to know why? Because almost 100% of the time, I do not have enough information to make that observation. Here’s an example. I met a new mom who told me during the conversation that she left a job she loves to stay home with her young son. I say something like, “WOW. You are so lucky you get to stay home with him.” And completely miss the details on the 8 years of post-graduate work she did to get the job she loved, how much of a financial burden it is to try and live on one income, and how much she secretly misses going to work every day, eating lunch out, and her close relationships with co-workers.

The word lucky is an oversimplification. We don’t have the right or the invitation to distill down a person’s complicated life into a platitude. Don’t get me wrong – I am all about gratitude and living in a place of spiritual abundance. I reflect daily on how lucky I am for the wonderful life that I have built, both in my marriage and family and with my community, friends, and work. But do me a favor. Tell yourself you’re lucky and spend a little more time getting to know someone before you tell her how lucky she is. She knows.

SHOULD

As in, “Your Facebook posts are so funny. You should write a book.” Or, “Oh – Your kid is not sleeping through the night? You should let him cry it out.” Gee, thanks. I never thought of that. Or….”I really want to get healthier and lose some weight. I should really hit the gym and make better food choices.” Should you? Of course, you should. But you know what kind of language actually makes things happen? I WILL. I’M GOING TO. Or even I HAVE TO.

Do you know what should is? Should is the advice from the stranger on the street that you never wanted to hear in the first place. But it is EVERYWHERE. I say it ALL THE TIME! That’s why I’m writing this piece – because I want to say it less, and I want to hear it less. Should is oppressive. Should is paternalistic. And should takes away your power. Should makes it seem as if someone else is calling the shots. And YOU are in the driver’s seat in your life, in your work, in everything you do and say and want. And just to put it out there, so I make myself more accountable – I WILL write a book. Someday. Before I’m 50. See you on Ellen.

What words do you avoid using? Comment below!