Around here, Mom is good people, but we LOVE a Grandma. We live in Connecticut, but both Grandmas and a Great Grandma live in the Midwest, which means Grandma is a seriously BIG DEAL around this house. I will be very modest for a minute and talk about the situations when Grandma is way better than Mommy in my house.
1. FaceTime During the Dinner Crazies
It is well known around these parts that my best defense against the dinnertime crazies is simply to FaceTime with Grandma! I can’t control these people for crap, but with Grandma on the iPad, they will sit still for long enough that I can successfully throw food on plates and feel slightly civilized. I really wish that FaceTime had been a thing when I was little. I had to go months without seeing Grandma. These days, our poor Grandma is simply a dinnertime prop! You’re welcome for that piece of advice.
2. Baking with Children
I can’t even pretend to like baking with my children. I know, I know, I know! The time spent in the kitchen measuring and counting, and making an adorable mess is part of their core development. Well, I outsource that mess, and both Grandmas have totally figured me out. December is a big visiting month, and both of them know that the Advent Calendar activity for one of their visiting days will be making cookies with her. I’ll provide all the ingredients, pour each adult a glass of wine, and then occupy myself with documenting the fun. She can’t deny me; the kids are too cute! Check and mate, Grandma.
3. Bedtime Reading
At the end of the day, Mommy is just DONE. “You get what you get, and you don’t get upset” is Mom’s motto. “Let’s savor the beautiful moment” is Grandma’s motto. I can guarantee that Grandma will follow ALL of the painful bedtime specifications of the toddler. Do you want to read books in Grammy’s bed/in Mommy’s bed/on the front porch? Sure. Do you want to read “just one more?” You betcha Grandma will do it. Do you want one ice cube in that glass of water? Anything you need, little angel. Mommy doesn’t play those games, and all the inmates, whoops, I mean children, around here know it.
4. General Hygiene
Going along with my previous point about bedtime, Grandma is superior at tooth hygiene. I am very easily convinced to forgo oral hygiene because I’m tired. But Grandma actually knows how much cavities and braces cost because she’s been there. I like to throw the children each a toothbrush and let things happen while doing the laundry. But when Grandma is here, these people thoroughly brush, fully supervised, twice a day. Supervised! Twice a day! It’s nothing short of a miracle. But that’s Grandma. I also regard bath time as totally negotiable based on how crazy the people are being…if the crazy/overtired/whiny meter is running too high, we can skip bathing. But Grandma totally makes that happen when she’s here! She bathes children every other day, REGARDLESS OF MOOD! I can’t wait until I am a grandmother and can successfully shove people in a tub, turn them into clean people, and move on with my day without breaking a sweat. We won’t even discuss hand washing…because when Grandma is here, they do it. She doesn’t even have to yell. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!
5. Rendering the Television Useless
No, not because she wanted to, but because we have roughly 20 remotes with 10,000 buttons. In reality, there are 3 remotes, but that’s too many for Grandma. We have given the tutorial many times. We have written down the instructions. But she still can’t do it. Do you want your television stuck on Portuguese? Grandma’s your woman. Don’t even try to throw an Amazon Firebox at her…accessing that requires changing inputs. You can bet that those kids will scream at her and then have a fun evening of coloring, playing board games, and reading books after she blew up the television.
Basically, Grandma has been there and done that. Few things surprise her, and no one is more seasoned than her. She raised you, and you came out as a functioning adult, right?! It’s horrible to say goodbye when she returns home, but life is SOOOOO good when she is here!
*Disclaimer: No one Grandma is perfect. This list is a mix of our Grandmas. Please don’t put pressure on one Grandma to be perfect.*
