I’m pretty sure that if given the opportunity, I would never have been friends with my sister-in-law.
(Wow, that’s a harsh thing to say. I mean, she’s probably going to read this…)
My husband is one of nine boys (Yes, nine. Not a typo. No girls. Stop asking.), and early on in our relationship I met most of the brothers and their wives/girlfriends and kids and dogs and what-nots. There were picnics and pool parties and bounce houses and baptisms and birthdays all centered in Long Island.
I don’t remember when I met her. We kept missing each other at events, and finally sat down one day and started talking. At this point I was married and pregnant with my first girl. And she volunteered to watch Red when she was born and I went back to work.
Seriously….? Volunteered…? Why yes, did I stutter?
The husband and I hemmed and hawed. We looked at home daycare, in-home daycare, school daycare, etc. We had single friends babysit for nights out, but as an all day every day adventure, it just wouldn’t cut it. C was our best option. The husband didn’t have much to say about C because he didn’t know her well. He is one of the younger brothers and so interaction as adults was limited to hello and goodbye at functions as he grew up.
And let’s face it, sister-in-laws are really scary when you are a 20 year old man/boy and she’s pregnant. I mean, c’mon.
All I knew of C was that she was a stay-at-home mom, raised 4 amazing children of her own, and I couldn’t not take her help. I had to accept. Beyond that it was the right financial decision, it was also family watching family, and that makes sense.
And that was the best decision of my life.
C watched Red for 6 months until we moved to CT, 3 days a week. Husband did drop off and pick up at C’s house, and each day he would linger a bit longer. They started talking and he got closer to her kids and brother #3. Soon, Husband was sharing comic book stories and lingering to the point that C would need to say, “Don’t you want to beat traffic?” and he would scurry home.
I still had little interaction with C, but I knew she loved Red like her own, and her kids would ask, “Where’s THAT baby?” when they came home from school and activities. Sometimes, brother #3 got to be home and he would talk or sing or read the paper to Red in his deep baritone voice, and Red would calm down and fall fast asleep.
Husband and I got to become a part of their family, and they ours. She taught me to “put my teeth in” when I am telling a story (get to the point– so like, I still haven’t learned that) and how to make lunch in 5 minutes (chicken salad with cranberries—yum!). I asked advice on when to start on solids, she helped me get over the 7 month nursing hump. We both cried when I explained that no one understood my anger at having a c-section and
SHE LET ME NURSE IN HER HOUSE WITHOUT A COVER AND GOT ME WATER EVERY TIME!
…because, she rocks. And had four kids. And UNDERSTANDS! She is my Sister Friend.
When we moved, Husband and C had a good cry together. Their mutual respect deepened into a full friendship and love. C and the family make trips up here, and us to them to hang out. At some point, I realized that she and I became sisters. Not because we were bound by marriage, not because we had to, but because we were calling each other up to see how things were going. Checking in. Being friends. Giving advice and sharing lives. Sister Friends.
When we found out we were pregnant with the Baby, Husband and I knew immediately, C and brother #3 were to be godparents. On the day we told them, all of us had spent the day unpacking boxes of stored baby clothes and setting up the room for The Baby to arrive. When all four of us were in the room, Husband asked, “Will this be okay for your Goddaughter?” And all of us sobbed. Okay, maybe not brother #3, but his eyes were moist.
She is my Sister Friend. We are connected by something that is more than blood. It is by choice.
Beautiful!
Thanks!