For most moms, the play date is a lovely little gem that allows us to get some adult conversation in while our kids play. Sometimes, these dates happen with just one other mom and child, but many times they happen in larger groups of four or five moms and their children. Has anyone ever had five toddlers in their home at one time? Yes, get me some Advil! Most of my play dates are usually amazing as they include some type of warm beverage like tea or coffee, a yummy baked treat, and some wonderful moms and their fabulous children. However, that isn’t always the case. Infant play dates are much easier since there isn’t much movement, but when toddler play dates begin, there is a whole set of new situations that have to be addressed to keep everyone sane. Here’s a list of possible play date nightmares you may encounter and how to save your sanity!
The Screaming Kid: I will be the first to admit that my daughter was a screamer. I don’t mean the kind that screamed bloody murder when they were hungry. No, my daughter screamed bloody murder pretty much ALL THE TIME. This went on from birth until about age two and a half. The good news is that I have a pretty happy and well-adjusted toddler (my sanity is questionable). The bad news is that I had to leave a lot of play dates, classes and events because of this screaming. Mamas, I know it’s hard. I remember leaving my friends at the coffee shop, holding back tears of frustration because I just wanted five minutes to sip my tea and have adult conversation. Those first months are especially lonely, but if your child is the screamer, give everyone at the play date a break and call it a day. Trust me on this one. Don’t force your poor hostess to start wearing ear plugs.
The Destructor: Ever have one of those kids visit? You know, the one who comes into your house and breaks EVERYTHING? I’m not talking the occasional toy casualty, but the kind of breakage that involves toys, personal items, tables, and possibly a pet. Mom, if you notice your kid breaking everything, maybe it’s time to host at your own home. This way, if anything gets damaged, you already own it. If you happen to have one of these little peanuts visiting your home, don’t fret! Take all of your breakables out of the way before your buddies arrive. Anything that your child would be devastated to lose should be removed from the room also. Whenever possible, host it in a basement or neutral territory with a lot of soft toys and plastic junk that nobody cares about. Consider suggesting a career in demolition!
The Aggressor: Plenty of kids go through the phase of hitting, biting, pushing, and the like. Believe it or not, for most kids, these phases are perfectly normal. The problem occurs when the recipient of all that aggression is your child or the other kids at the play date. This is a sticky situation, but it doesn’t have to be. In my experience, most moms reprimand their child as soon as the incident occurs, either with a verbal warning or some kind of time out. But what happens when there is no reprimand or the child continues to act out in this manner? Well, the easy answer is to have a chat with the child’s mom, but that is a hard thing to do. One of the moms in my group mentioned having a “my house” kind of conversation with the child. This is in no way meant to circumvent the parent’s authority, but it’s much easier to say, “In our house, we don’t allow pushing,” to the child and diffuse the situation whenever possible. Moms, if this is your child, we absolutely know that it’s a phase and that in a few months it will be a distant memory. In the meantime, maybe you can sit out a few play dates until the situation gets under control? We promise not to phase you out of our friendship circle!
The Sick Kid: I’m not gonna lie. This might be the worst one of all. The mom who just HAS to get out of the house and brings her germ-infected child to drool, lick, and slime all over my kid’s stuff doesn’t make me happy. No, we haven’t had the stomach virus here this season, but THANK YOU for sharing with us? Ummm no. I am from the school of thought that kids are going to get sick and that’s okay. I’m not one of those crazy people who showers in Purell, but I do think there are some germs that moms and kids can keep to themselves. Having a “clear snot policy” is a pretty standard one across the board. For those of you who don’t know, a child with a runny nose that is clear is A-OK to come to my play date. On the other hand, colors of ANY kind (let’s not elaborate here), vomiting, diarrhea, bizarre skin rashes, and high fevers are a no-no. No, you cannot come just because you gave your child a bunch of Tylenol and s/he “seems” better. Wait for your child to be feeling better for 24 hours and then call us. We will supply baked goods and lots of coffee upon your return.
The Allergy Minefield: My daughter (thankfully) doesn’t have any, but I grew up with a whole bunch. Let me tell you, having allergies stinks! The best way to combat making a play date misstep is to bring some packaged snacks. Allergy kids and parents are super wary of baked goods and I don’t blame them. Cross contamination can happen even when using non-allergen ingredients. Lots of places have dairy or nut free options, which are indicated right on the package. If you want to get fancy, lots of bakeries now offer ONLY nut, dairy, gluten-free options as well. I also only travel with water, this way if a sippy cup ends up in someone else’s mouth, there is no risk to anyone at the play date. Nobody wants to administer an Epi-Pen in the middle of a play date!
Play dates are supposed to be fun and engaging, but can definitely become stressful if all parties aren’t on the same page. Treating others (and their kids) the way you wish to be treated usually creates a harmonious environment for everyone. When the play dates become something that you or your child no longer look forward to, it might be time for a break!
What are some ways you have handled difficulties during a play date?
