Whatever the reason, raising well-mannered, polite children is important to me.
Aside from “please” and “thank you,” below are three additional phrases I have tried to reinforce with my two girls.
1. “Hello” or “Hi”
While it might be too early to teach your two or three-year-old proper introduction skills, you can lay the foundation by ensuring that they at least say “hello” or “hi” to adults and children alike. Sometimes if my oldest is being shy around adults, I make sure she at least waves, and these days, it is not uncommon for me to witness her walk up to another child on the playground, greet them, ask them their name, and tell them hers. And, purely coincidentally, my youngest daughter’s first word was “Hi!”
2. “Good-bye”
Not unlike saying “hello” or “hi,” saying “good-bye” acknowledges the person that is leaving and often prompts a “thank you” (for coming to visit, for bringing a gift, etc.). While “bye” was my oldest daughter’s first word, she readily tells me that she does not like “good-bye’s.” Instead of a “good-bye,” some other farewell greetings that I have suggested for her are “good night” or “night, night” (either of which she uses when I take her little sister up to bed who responds with something like “Nah, nah”), or “See you soon” or “Have a good night/weekend.”
3. “Sorry” or “Are you okay?”
I attended a parenting lecture about a year or so ago. I learned that children often do not appreciate the meaning of apologies until much later on in their development (something like eight years old). While there is nothing particularly detrimental about teaching your child to say that they are sorry, the act of what they are apologizing for and the apology may not be linked in their minds. Some suggestions to address this development “block” included making sure that your child sees you apologize on their behalf (for example, “I am sorry that I took your toy”). While I’m still undecided about this particular strategy, one alternative approach did resonate with me, which was to have your child ask, “Are you okay?” rather than to say “sorry.” To reinforce the consequences of her actions, my husband and I often respond to such an inquiry from my oldest daughter with an explanation for why we might not be okay (for example, “No, it made me sad when you took my book”).
I completely agree! My daughter’s first word was actually hi and soon followed by bye! We’re working on sorry right now. It never seems to amaze me when people are amazed that a little kid is polite. Shouldn’t they be?
Allison – Glad to hear that I am not alone (and that you have had similar experiences with people being surprised by politeness)! Any other tips and tricks are welcome 🙂