“Expert” Behavior Management Tips for Preschoolers

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I’ve been teaching young children for most of my career. Over the past 15 or so years of working with preschoolers, I have picked up many effective strategies for dealing with preschooler behavior, and I have always considered classroom management to be one of my strengths. Whether it’s dealing with children who struggle with transitions between activities, who are too rough, or who just plain don’t listen, I have always felt equipped to deal with the situation. Until….until my own son, Owen, hit the TERRIBLE THREES. Over the past few weeks or so, my ordinarily sweet, mostly obedient little monster angel has become, well, kind of a pain in the you-know-what. His new favorite thing right now is to do is the exact thing I specifically just asked him not to do (climbing the pantry shelves to get to the cookies, dumping the water out of the bathtub, putting his stinky feet in my face, etc.)  It’s been a frustrating few weeks, but just when I was about to give up and sell him to the highest bidder, I remembered that I’ve been dealing with funky three year olds for years–in the classroom. So, I decided to try to use some of my class management techniques on Owen. And behold, they seem to be worki–Wait, hold on, I just heard a crash in the kitchen…..

No good will come of this face
No good will come of this face

 

Ok, I’m back. What was I saying? Oh,  yes, my “expert” tips, right.

 

1) Keep it simple. Young children often can’t handle more than a small amount of information at a time. The fewer words you can use to get your point across, the better. Long winded explanations will go right into one cute little ear and out the other.

2) Try to always give a child choices…but no more than two (having too many choices is overwhelming for preschoolers…..adults, too, actually.)  This strategy can be incorporated into almost any situation, and can really help you keep a minor power struggle from escalating. Giving the him a choice helps him feel like he has some control over his circumstances, while still allowing you to get him to do what you’re asking of him. Some basic examples of this are, “Do you want to wear the cars pajamas or the dinosaur pajamas?” “Do you want to read a story first, and then brush your teeth, or do you want to brush teeth first? Or  “It’s time to eat now; do you want chicken or meatballs for dinner?” Of course, in my house, the answer in that scenario is always Choice #3–“Popsicle.” But most of the time this tactic works wonders.

3) Always try to tell a child what he or she should be doing, rather than what they’re doing wrong. Rather than saying, “Stop doing gymnastics on the couch right this minute!” 30 times in a row (like I may or may not have done several times this week,) just keep reminding the child what they’re supposed to being doing instead: “Please sit nicely.” This one is tough, because it does involve repeating yourself. A lot. But I promise you, phrasing your expectations in a positive way works a lot better than simply giving orders.

4) And to that end….praise, praise, praise. Your daughter just spent the last 40 minutes screaming in her brother’s ear, but has finally calmed down and is now coloring a picture so nicely? Tell her. “Thanks for sitting down and coloring! What a nice picture, great job!” Kids actually want to please people, especially their parents–but they need to know it’s possible, and what they need to do to make that happen.

5) Often, children misbehave because they struggle with transitions. This is VERY normal for this age. Combat the meltdowns by giving lots of warnings: “Ok, in 10 minutes, we’re going to clean up the blocks and go to the grocery store.” Then 8 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, etc. Giving your child a chance to finish what she is doing will make it easier for her to move on to the next thing.

When all else fails, bribe with ice cream.
When all else fails, bribe with ice cream.

6) I am a huge proponent of a star or sticker chart, to help a child connect good behavior/actions to rewards. I plan to write about how that has worked for us in a future post.

 

Have you tried any similar strategies when dealing with your pre-schooler’s behavior? What are your tricks for managing the “Terrible Threes?”

2 COMMENTS

  1. I’ve tried any and all! With our girl, they all worked for a bit, and then when she got comfortable with a certain tactic, it would no longer work. So on to the next! It was a lot of trial and error, but we got through it. She’s nearly 7 now, and we’re all still alive. So mission accomplished.

    Great tips, BTW! Most of these still work on the older kids too. It’s good to be reminded to take a step back and remember they’re just kids. I sometimes forget that.

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